Mad Gab

I didn’t realize the simplicity behind the construction of a comparison sentence until studying the structure in a foreign language.

[Subject] is more/less [adjective] than [second subject].

Let’s play Mad Gab.

She is more skinny than I.

They are more ugly than me.

Her hair is less gorgeous than my hair.

I am less pale than them.

It’s not quite proper English, so let’s extend ourselves to some more sophisticated grammar.

She looks so much better than I ever will.

Her laugh isn’t annoying like mine.

I’m too tall.

I’m too short.

Why does she get to have perfect boobs?

How the hell do you get an ass like that?

I want to be her.

Comparisons, comparisons, comparisons, and comparisons.

From bodies to personalities to mannerisms, comparing female attributes is like an exchange of apples and oranges.  Every woman is made up of a 1,000 individual characteristics, each one essential to her person.  You can’t go exchanging them without changing her completely.

Next time you go to compare yourself with another woman, think of your clit.  Now there’s a part of you that you wouldn’t want to start comparing, so why go on comparing all the other parts?

Scheduling

Yes, some people take scheduling to the extreme.  Other people despise it.  Some people just use it to lower stress.  Like me.

Most people either need a certain level of productivity to feel satisfied or to make sure they stay above water.  To do Lists.  Post-its.  Planners.  Calendars.  It’s just inefficient to live in an exclusive state of spontaneity. 

Scheduling also gives people something to look forward to.  And makes them better prepared.  It is much harder to get ready when you haven’t planned!  Don’t get me wrong, spontaneity is necessary for everyone.  It keeps life interesting.  But having regularly planned enjoyable activities is necessary as well.  Getting through a rough day instantly becomes easier when you know that you can relax at Zumba later or vent all about it while grabbing tea with a friend. 

So why not schedule time for sex too?

It’s an enjoyable, relaxing activity that’ll brighten any day!  I’m not saying every time should be preplanned, but why shouldn’t it be something that you can look forward to on a regular basis? 

You schedule appointments for your hair, your teeth, and your friends.

Why not schedule in your clit as well?

Basketball Vs. Women

Since it’s the end of all the college basketball madness, I figured we could take a break from super important life (sex) lessons and loosen up a bit.

Plus, if anyone’s going to make a mockery of women, it should be women.

Basketball has a mute button.

You don’t have to take it out to dinner to enjoy it.

It will only stand you up for a Presidential Address.

It doesn’t mind when you yell.

It encourages the consumption of Buffalo Wings.

It’s capable of drowning out women and vacuums.

There’s no bleeding quarter.

           Or cuddling.

No one ever got Chlamydia from Basketball.

Unfortunately,

You can’t fuck it.

So

Victory = Women

The Sexy Pointer Finger

If you’ve learned anything so far, it's that the clitoris can be the sexiest part of a woman.  It’s sexy because of how it can be used, certainly not how it looks.  It’s sexiness comes from utility.  If you generalize this logic, any part of the body can become sexy. 

AND nothing’s more sexy than a woman that knows how to use every part of her body confidently.

Take the Pointer Finger for example.  Currently, I’m only using my right one to type the letters h,y,u,j,n, and m.  I’m hardly using any of its potential!  Picture it tracing lips instead.  Or brushing lightly down the spine.  Then they’re the most obvious uses:  1. Clitoris Stimulator  2. Teeny dildo (3. Optional Anal Surprises). Combined with other fingers, the pointer finger can assist in hair tussling and ass grabbing as well. 

Quickly the pointer finger becomes a chief utility of foreplay.  (It’s even used in the typing of f-o-r-e-p-l-a-y).  The Pointer Finger is sexy.  Any part of the body can be sexy.  It’s just a matter of a little confidence and innovation.